July 12, 2001

Lessons From Stalkers

People sometimes tell me that my life never seems to be dull. This is true. If I am ever bored, it is only because I am momentarily refusing to do any of the numerous things I could or should be doing. And then it always seems that, when I acknowledge that I certainly have plenty of things to do, something unexpected happens. Then those same people who said my life is never dull also point out that my life is sometimes quite fascinating and interesting.

Do I like the fact that my life seems to lead itself? Do I like being surprised and challenged at every single bend in my winding mountain path of a life? My answer would have to be yes, simply because I know no other life. However, I think I would still choose my life over any alternative, perhaps because it has so many unusual twists and quirks. Of course, I don't always like the things that happen, and there are a few situations that I would rather not have experienced, but I think most of the events in my life have served to teach, strengthen and change me. Perhaps this latest incident will serve the purpose of making me a bit more cautious and also a bit more aware of safety.

I got home from work shorly before 6 p.m. yesterday after running some errands. I unlocked the front door to my apartment and entered, carrying several plastic shopping bags. Lisa, my roommate, heard me come in and came out of her room to greet me. I said hello and would have continued to my room to put my things down had Lisa not said something else.

"Um, the police are looking for you," she said in an uncertain voice.

"What?!"

I stared at her in puzzlement, with thoughts racing through my mind. What was wrong? My sister just totaled her car, but did she somehow get into another accident? My mom's out of town, but did something happen to her? More ideas rushed headlong toward me, but Lisa continued.

"Yeah, the police contacted our neighbor upstairs and said they were looking for you. She came down and told me."

By then, I think some of Lisa's initial worry and confusion had passed, simply because the expression on my face made it quite obvious that I had no idea why the police would be looking for me. Lisa is the type of person who doesn't sleep with her window open because she's worried about someone coming in during the middle of the night. I suppose I should be more cautious, but I figure that if the person wants to get in the apartment, they will find a way, whether or not my window is open.

I can only imagine what kinds of thoughts went through Lisa's head. We get along and have no problems, but we lead separate lives. Whole days will go by when we won't even see each other because we have such different schedules. For all Lisa knew, I could be the leader of a secret drug ring, or maybe my whole family had just been kidnapped by raving maniacs who were after me. She was home alone, so I'm sure she had plenty of time to think of such things.

These thoughts went through my head as I stood there, holding my shopping bags, staring at Lisa in bewilderment. Some part of my brain said that I should first make sure she wasn't worried about me. I think I was quite successful, so I then proceeded to put my things down and go upstairs to visit my neighbor.

I walked up the stairs, knocked on the door and a female voice said, "Who is it?" She wasn't even going to answer the door until I had identified myself. I've talked to this woman briefly a few times, and she's also not the sort of person you want to worry. And yet, I was the one who had to reassure these people and make sure they didn't think I was a serial murderer.

My neighbor proceeded to tell me that the police had called her, saying they were looking for me. They knew my name and address, and had used a reverse directory to find and contact my nearest neighbor, who happened to live above me. She told the person to call the office that manages the apartment complex and gave the caller the telephone number.

"Did they say which police department they were from?" I asked. "Were they calling from the City Police Department or the County Sheriff's Department? Did they leave a name or number?"

No, they did not.

I think I also managed to assure my neighbor that I wasn't going to kill her in the middle of the night, and I told her I would let her know if I found out anything. It was 6:10 p.m. when I got back to my apartment, and the office had closed at 6. This meant that impatient, curious me would have to wait until the next morning to do anything else.

This morning I quickly memorized the office telephone number, dashed out the door and got to work at 7:30. I had things to keep me busy, but I called the office promptly at 7:58, thinking they might be there early. Naturally, they did not answer the phone. I called back at 8:05 and learned that no, they had not received any calls from the police concerning me, or any calls about me at all.

Later in the day, I called a non-emergency number at the City Police Department. The woman on the other end of the phone thought it sounded odd, and said that was not their procedure for tracking down someone. They usually send an officer to the residence, and if they do have to call, they certainly leave a name and contact phone number.

My suspicions were confirmed: The police had not tried to contact me. After all, I work for the county, I attend a state school and I don't worry too much about privacy. Our telephone number is under my roommate's name and she has it unlisted from the telephone book, but there are plenty of ways to find me, other than worrying my neighbor.

I have one other idea to follow up on tomorrow morning, but I'm fairly certain that it will also be unfounded. The conclusion: I have no idea who was looking for me, and why they were doing so. This is a very unsettling feeling, especially since I am the type of person who desperately needs to know things. Some unknown person has left me powerless and unable to change this situation. And, since I do not know who the person was or what they wanted, the rest is left to my imagination.

I've had two dealings with Internet stalkers in my life, although one lived in Turkey and has no doubt long forgotten the relatively minor incident. The other stalker actually lived in the same town I did, worked for my ISP and had previously worked at Staples. He left Staples mere months before I was hired there. That stalking incident was much more annoying, and ultimately led to his being fired from his job. Over six months later, some unknown person gained access to my dial-up password, logged on as me and prevented me from being able to connect to the Internet for nearly a week. We were never able to track that person down, but I had a feeling it was an act of revenge.

So is this possibly another act of revenge? My mom suggested that, since my old Web page showed pictures of my former fiancé and my new page does not, perhaps my old stalker had somehow put two and two together and figured he could get some more revenge and "hit me while I was weak," or some such nonsense. Given the intelligence level of this stalker, I seriously doubt that my mom's theory is true, but I suppose the idea has given me more possibilities and angles to consider.

I have a frustrating feeling that I will never find out who was looking for me, but maybe I should try to learn from the incident. After all, I am a female living in a large city and I do tend to trust people. Of course, I also trust my instinct, and I also trust the fact that there are plenty of bad people out there, many of them in this very city. However, I should never let myself get so comfortable with that fact that it leaves my mind. I need to look out for myself. Both stalking incidents and this latest occurrence emphasize that point.

Yes, my life is quite far from boring, and no, I don't think that will change any time soon. However, some things that happen are not just interesting and exciting. Instead, they bring with them lessons to be learned, rules to be noted and the idea that common sense can't simply be taken for granted.