September 23, 2001
New Hampshire - Day 9: The Convention Continues
-Saturday, July 28, 2001-
6:53 a.m.
We set the alarm for 7, but we were all up before then. I woke up at 5:40, and Sam and Leen both saw me peering very closely at the clock without my glasses on. I managed to doze off again but then woke up at 6:30.
8:20 a.m.
We’re in the conference room now, waiting for people to slowly drift in. The official starting time for Darien and Amber was 8:30, but Sam told everyone else, “8:30 or 9.” After enough people said the time aloud, it mutated into 8:39. Dave, Heidi, Stephen, and Stephanie got back from Boston very late last night, and Dave is extremely tired. He and Stephen roomed together and stayed up until 6:30 because they were talking. This meant that they got a grand total of one hour of sleep.
“As soon as Stephen shut up, I went to sleep,” Dave said.
Heidi, Stephen, and Stephanie ate lobster in Boston last night, and Dave's impression of Heidi went like this: "Heidi says, ‘I’m going to go talk to that guy over there,’ and then she does.”
Ticia and Don drove all day and all night, arriving at 6 this morning. Ticia woke Stephanie up when she got in, and I guess Stephanie wasn’t exactly thrilled, since she’d been out running around in Boston for half the night.
8:40 a.m.
Stephen, who is also very tired, wants to burn my notebook. He said he’d burn down the hotel, if need be.
Rebecca is here now. She and Stephanie shared a hotel room in the Comfort Inn, and Stephanie just came into the conference room, too. She’s wearing a purple shirt that’s exactly like Ticia’s, and they brought one for Leen, too. It’s a shirt that says “I bleed purple” on the back. It’s definitely a Leen shirt.
8:50 a.m.
The other Rebecca and Tim just arrived. They only live about 10 minutes away, so they had an advantage over the rest of us.
8:55 a.m.
David and Jacqueline are here.
9 a.m.
Thomas and his wife are here. We’re still waiting for Heidi, even though it’s time to start. We all laughed when Stephen said, “You should start before she gets here so you can talk.”
9:10 a.m.
We’re starting now. Ticia said we should have some background music, but Sam said, “My voice is melodious.” Sam’s starting by explaining the things arranged on tables at the back of the room, which include Leen’s horses and tack, a guestbook for everyone to sign, fun letters Sam has received, and various unique food items.
The first thing on the agenda is the “dispensation of crap,” also known as the time to give out stuff. Leen’s special item is her business card in chocolate. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I really don’t want to eat it. Amy already took a bite out of hers because she was hungry. I gave out SRCSD pens and Sewer Gator Tattoos I was able to get for free from work, and then Sam gave out the Strawberry Hullers, with a detailed demo, sans strawberries.
9:20 a.m.
Jake just arrived and took the empty seat to my left. (Amy is sitting to my right, Matthew and Maryam are in front of me, and Stephen and Stephanie are behind me.)
9:25 a.m.
Heidi just put in an appearance, saying something about how she dreamed of peanut butter. She brought lots of goodies, including the rubber ducks I’ve heard about. She ordered a bunch of yellow rubber duckies, then tried to glue mouse ears on them, as part of an old private joke. It took her longer than expected, so she only did about a half a dozen of those. Instead, she found some other ducks that already have various accessories on them, such as hats, sunglasses, or ties. However, she made sure to give me one of the ducks with ears on it, and she also gave me a tin box of candy that she got for me in France. I was very touched, because I had no idea she’d bring back a present from France for me. She then passed around a large bag containing the ducks and a bunch of Warner Brothers’ key chains, Pez dispensers, and gumball dispensers.
9:35 a.m.
Sam’s reading a hilarious article from The New Yorker now.
9:45 a.m.
We just did Hand Tricks. I was apparently on the agenda, so I went up to the front of the room and did my hand trick that really can’t be described very well in text. I think I was momentarily successful in making everyone stare at me in confusion. No matter how many times people see it, they still give me funny looks when they see it again.
10:15 a.m.
John and his wife arrived in time to play a memory game with us. We went around the room, each person saying his favorite month, which did not necessarily have to be the month in which we were born. Then we went around the room again, saying our favorite item of clothing, then made another round to say our favorite dessert. Doing this with 23 people proved challenging, even after we went through the rounds a second time. We then had to list as many of the items we could remember. Joanne arrived in the middle of the game but was too late to join in.
Once we had exhausted our remaining brain cells, we went over the list to see how many we got right. Of a possible 69 correct answers, Rebecca won with 51. Jake and I both had 47 correct, which we thought rather remarkable, especially since we hadn’t cheated and had gotten different ones wrong. Stephen was the first to finish, so he spent the remainder of the time just sitting next to Stephanie and being weird. I later saw Stephen’s paper and learned why he finished so quickly: He hadn’t filled in any of the blanks, but instead wrote about how he had won the game, no matter what.
Dave started making noises, so Heidi pushed him over. Whether or not his falling out of the chair was an act or real, I do not know.
11:15 a.m.
After the memory game, we took a break for a while, and I snapped a few photos of John and his wife, Thomas and Tamara, and Matthew with a surprised Maryam. We mingled, talked, and ate some puffy corn things John brought from Ohio.
11:25 a.m.
We just tasted Cheerwine, a soda David brought from North Carolina. I didn’t like it, but it was nothing compared to Moxie. That stuff tasted worse than any cough syrup I’ve ever had, and I think I had just about every cough syrup known to mankind when I was growing up. Sam went around the room, pouring a small amount into Dixie cups for us to taste. Leen took a few pictures of the reactions to the drink, and everyone roared with laughter when I tasted it. Apparently, I lived up to my reputation of having an expressive face. Other than the horrid taste of the Moxie, the only people I remember are Leen and Jake, who both cracked up when they watched me drink it. Sam was extremely disappointed to have missed out on my reaction, so he begged me to taste it again until I finally gave in. Why I actually tasted Moxie twice, I’ll never know. Needless to say, it did not taste any better the second time around. When Sam was back at the front of the room, he took several swallows of Moxie just to prove that it wasn’t so bad that a “Macho Man” couldn’t drink it, but I was not convinced. Later, he wasn’t feeling so good, and I have a hunch it was a result of that dreadful Moxie.
Sam then continued on with his agenda by doing two impressions, including a Robert DeNiro one and Jim Carrey from “The Mask.” I think he did a good job, but I probably would have understood them better if I had actually seen the movies. [I later learned that the impressions were intentionally bad.]
2 p.m.
Just before we broke for lunch, Darien and Amber arrived. Sam, Leen, Amy, Jake, and I went across the street to eat at Applebee’s, and we got a table adjacent to one occupied by Heidi, Rebecca, Stephen, Stephanie, Dave, Darien, and Amber. We were a lively bunch, but our waitress was very good. We gave her a nice tip because she was so funny, nice, and friendly.
We were outside the restaurant when someone came up behind me and scared me half to death. It was Maryam, and of course everyone laughed over my reaction. It turned out that Maryam and Matthew had also eaten at Applebee’s, and we all went back across the street together. Heidi’s group went to the crosswalk, but we didn’t take the extra steps. It was more fun to dash across the street and make a big dramatic scene.
Our lunchtime wasn’t over yet, so Leen and I went in Jake’s car to try to find floppy disks for Amy’s digital camera and mobile items for Jake and me. We came across a nearby Staples, and I found the perfect item: a miniature notebook. Nearly everyone had seen me taking notes, and most had commented on it, so the notebook was appropriate.
We got back just in time, and then Dave read a hilarious review of a bad movie. Heidi dozed off while he read it, but then she woke up in time to laugh at a funny part where the main character in the movie pulls a weapon from his “`fro of tricks.”
2:35 p.m.
We did another activity that required everyone to write down something unique about themselves that nobody else knew. Then Sam read them one at a time while we tried to guess the person. I didn’t record them all, but it was rather interesting and quite amusing. Ticia’s involved the numbers and types of pets she once owned, and Stephanie challenged it, saying that some of the pets belonged to the family, not to Ticia. It was funny to see sisterly rivalry. Matthew’s unique thing was that he had once been involved in a Jewish wedding ceremony at school. When his name was revealed and Sam asked why Matthew had done that, his only explanation was, “I got bored.” It became a running joke that, after Sam read one, we’d guess Dave. Each time, Dave would loudly and vehemently say, “NO.” At one point, Dave tried to say something longer but got his words so confused that nobody understood him. “Next time, I’ll try that in English,” he said and left it at that. After guessing Dave’s name for nearly every item, Sam finally got to Dave’s piece of paper, which read, “What is the meaning of life?” We were all puzzled, and Dave responded in typical Dave fashion, “Well, you said to write down something nobody knew.” We thought that activity was finished, but then Sam found one more piece of paper; Maryam’s had fallen into the bucket of ice that had kept the Moxie cold and was dripping wet.
2:58 p.m.
We’re taking a break while Sam moves furniture, and he jokingly told me to be sure to note the time he did that. The time has been duly recorded.
3:40 p.m.
Heidi, Dave, Jake, and I took a short trip in Heidi’s rental car to Dairy Queen, where we got some ice cream. We’re back now, and Stephanie is singing a song accompanied by a tape of herself playing the piano. However, she just forgot the words, so she went up to her hotel room to get the music book. Our chairs are now arranged in a semi-circle for the poetry reading, courtesy of Sam’s furniture moving which occurred at 2:58 p.m.
3:45 p.m.
Don read a funny poem that he had saved on his Palm Pilot, and then Stephanie came back with her songbook and sang the whole song. She sang the same song at Don and Ticia’s wedding and did a very nice job. Cynthia read a poem about a medieval-era man named Lancelot meeting a modern-day woman. Amy then read a poem called “I’d’ve,” which is a fascinating contraction. Then I read a poem from a book of poems written by Howard’s grandfather. Sam found it at a book fair a while back, and Howard was tickled that Sam liked it so much. Sam then read a very good, rather deep poem that he had written in May and which nobody had heard or read before. Amber left her poem at home but leafed through a binder of other poems until she found one she liked. Sam read some bad poems that have been contributed to the Poetry Pool, including the crumb poem, the skin cream poem, and the notorious pain poem. He also read the cannibal poem, which I think should be called "Human Flesh," and it was his dramatic reading of the poem that made it truly hilarious. Darien wrote a poem while the others were reading their poems, and he also read the DEAD ONE poem.
4:15 p.m.
Dave, Stephen, and Darien sang the Philosopher’s song from Monty Python, made all the funnier by the fact that they had never practiced and didn’t know all of the words. Amber then read the poem Darien had been writing, and it was a funny piece about Dave.
4:55 p.m.
Sam showed his Claymation videos and now we’re now watching “Sinbad of the Seven Seas,” a truly bad movie.
6:30 p.m.
The movie is over, and we’re taking a break. Although the chairs were uncomfortable, the movie was very funny.
7:30 p.m.
Sam, Leen, Jake, Cynthia, and I went across the street and got pizza from Papa John’s. We brought it back to the conference room, where we also shared with Amy and Rebecca. Rebecca has been working on her mobile for most of the day, despite numerous weight challenges.
7:40 p.m.
Jake made a paper airplane and was trying to hit Sam with it. After at least 10 attempts, he still hadn’t hit Sam. The airplane landed near me, I tried, and nailed Sam directly on my first try. [Sam later said it took me two attempts to hit him, but I’ll stand by my account of it.]
8:10 p.m.
The other Rebecca and her brother went home for dinner and came back with presents. Until he was just recently laid off, their dad worked for Compaq, and he sent an assortment of things for us, including giant calculators, flashlights, and paddle wheel timers.
8:15 p.m.
Amy is teaching Jake a clapping game that involves soda bottles.
9:42 p.m.
The clapping game caught on, and we just finally decided to stop. After filling some of the soda bottles with water to make them heavier, a bunch of us sat in a circle and learned the clapping rhythm. We got faster and mastered it, so then I had the bright idea of going the other direction around the circle. When we had mastered that, including switching directions on a moment’s notice, I then had the idea of trying it with our eyes closed. David, who was standing back and watching, apparently reached in and took a bottle while we all had our eyes closed. (Sam videotaped this part, and I was later able to see John open his eyes and attempt to beat David with a soda bottle.)
10 p.m.
Because my eyes were closed, I missed out on some funny parts from the game. At one point, Jake grabbed John’s hand instead of the soda bottle, and I guess that caused mild pandemonium. I know I went fishing across the circle for my bottle at one point, and I heard laughter from those watching. Cynthia also apparently kept grabbing Amy’s foot instead of the bottle.
Rebecca's mobile is finished, and it really is a work of art.
11:06 p.m.
We’re back in our room now, with an extra person. Jake is crashing in
our room, as it’s an hour drive back to his house and he decided to go
with us tomorrow.
Photos:
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