A Reporter's Life


Arcata

Lodi is fairly conservative. It's got a lot of churches, and the majority votes Republican. In the same state of California, though, is a town called Arcata. In this town, doctors probably write more prescriptions for marijuana than anything else. If you stub your toe, your co-workers instantly remind you that this could be your excuse to get such a prescription. Even a cop has one.

Arcata is also the town featured in the world-renowned Arcata Police Log. I try to inject a bit of humor in the police logs I compile, but it works better in small towns like Arcata. It's worked so well, in fact, that the Arcata log has now been complied into a book.

I'm wondering if people do things on purpose, hoping to get into the police log. In fact, I'll be in Arcata in a few weeks, so does anyone have suggestions?

Posted by Layla at 10:19 AM, August 15, 2004

— Comments —



Aside from stubbing your toe?

Posted by: Thomas at 8:06 PM, August 15, 2004


Well, if nobody's going to suggest anything that'll get Elly in the police log, I guess she'll just have to go with the old standby -- drunken streaking.

Posted by: Thomas at 8:03 PM, August 18, 2004


LOL! Or drunken toe stubbing?

Posted by: Layla at 9:55 PM, August 18, 2004


Eeek! *mom covers eyes*

Um, how about, instead, you capture a burlap sack full of bats and release it in a grocery store like somebody did in Weed way back when?

Posted by: Mom at 9:57 PM, August 18, 2004


NO NO NO. No bats aloud!

Posted by: Layla at 9:59 PM, August 18, 2004


Um, I mean "allowed." See how truly bats traumatize me?

Posted by: Layla at 9:59 PM, August 18, 2004


Aha! I think we've come to the root of your psychosis! When you were a child, were you once in a grocery store when someone released a burlap sack full of bats?

Posted by: Thomas at 5:20 PM, August 19, 2004


Okay, here's how you should get in the police log: Start with the drunken streaking and get the Arcatan Police Force to chase you around that main plaza thing. You circle back and steal the police car. Then you lead them on a merry chase for a few blocks when you drive the car into a ditch. When they run up to the driver's side door to pull you out, you ask them for their license and registration and breaking into a puddle of laughter just before you pass out from all the alcohol.

Posted by: Thomas at 5:27 PM, August 19, 2004


Extra points:

When they drag you into the police station, the set of clothes that you shipped to the station via FedEx Next Day Air the previous morning will be waiting for you. It'll be an eerie Twilight Zone moment for the arresting officer when the desk sergeant shows him the box that arrived a few hours ago for the person he just arrested.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

Posted by: Thomas at 5:27 PM, August 19, 2004


I see one problem with your idea, Thomas: There's no way I'm going to intentionally crash my brand-new car into a ditch. I still haven't even hit the 1,000-mile mark yet.

Posted by: Layla at 7:01 PM, August 19, 2004


No, no. Not your car -- the police car you stole.

Posted by: Thomas at 7:26 PM, August 19, 2004


And you could blame it on the "blind, scaffold-building cats" which steal clothing from locals. (Arcata Police Log, 8/17)

Posted by: Rajah at 12:24 PM, August 20, 2004


Take the easy way out, call 9-1-1 if you smell Cheech smoke, they'll probably arrest you for your own safe keeping.

Posted by: PMS at 4:44 PM, August 20, 2004


Now you're talking, Thomas. If only I can find that cop with the marijuana prescription, because he probably won't even notice that his missing a set of wheels...

...especially if he's busy looking for those creative cats.

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